I started playing Happy Aquarium last week and have engaged in an all-consuming daily routine of feeding and cleaning the tanks of unusually smiley virtual fish.

Now, I’m engaging in behavior that I would probably find objectionable in real life. I visit everybody’s tank every day to gather a insignificantly tiny amount of gold from their bubble chests, and then if their tanks are dirty, I clean them for the experience points (xp.) The application is so slow that it takes about 30 minutes to do this. Other things that alarm me:

  • The ‘Buy for your Tank’ option: Woah, I want her plastic seaweed! Jealous. What’s this button? Instant consumerism!
  • Free gifts? You have to click on  each one, every time. Crowdstar has got to be getting money for each hit.
  • Rampant fish sex – I have forty clown fish. COUNT THEM. FORTY. I am beginning to sell the progeny of my fish, after watching them mate in a dusty red cloud of fish lovemaking.
  • You CAN buy money – Facebook credits? Really? Who would spend money on this?

Gonna go and feed my fish now..